no, no, don't leave me
(how did we end up here?)
(i don't know, i don't know...)
When I look at my Geometry class, it's kind of weird. Only way I could put it.
It makes me feel kind of lonely, you know? I don't have anybody I talk to during the long periods of time I have to spend in there with the exception of people that converse with me to get assignments for other classes. It's not like I don't try; people just find me too weird for their tastes, I guess.
Everybody else has somebody with them and they just keep on talking and talking. While they're all doing that, I'm usually doodling or doing work. About two to three weeks of school have passed and I don't feel any better than I did in freshman year. The people in my grade know who I am, but it only goes up to that. Makes me feel kind of disconnected and alienated in a sense.
Oh well.
At night, when the time ticks by to almost the next day, I always lie awake in my bed with my iPod on and the buds in my ears. Those are the times that I feel so alone, so by myself, and my mind pulls away from reality as I try to drift off into unconsciousness. Like last night.
It was then and there that I completely forgot that I knew the English language and that I completely forgot all the translations for the songs that I didn't understand.
Those are the times that I really listened. Not with my mind, but with everything else.
And I felt, literally just felt, my heart aching whenever I listened to the slow songs. When I heard just the saddening melodies and the pained voices, I realized that I really wasn't alone. There were other people who felt the same loneliness that I did, and they were there with me, when I needed them most. No thoughts, no attachments, no self-pity. Just agonizing, piercing realization that I was there, while everyone else had somewhere to be, and I couldn't force myself to sleep no matter how much I tried.
My eyes stared at a dark ceiling.
Yeah, my heart was still giving me a dull pain, but I felt those every night. The nights where I couldn't talk to my friends because I had to be offline. Were those the reasons why it hurt?
I checked the time in Tokyo. Some late afternoon/early evening. In my head, all that went through is the GazettE will be performing soon. Somehow, that made me a little bit sadder. It was definitely confusing, feeling melancholy yet contentment at the same time.
But I realized that I like where I am, even if I want more. That feeling was what lulled me to sleep, more so than the sweet lullaby filling my ears.
Alice says she's too fat.
She says there's too much in the middle, too much on the bottom, but not enough on top.
She went to go make a deal with time, something to do with not eating, and when she returned, she seemed to be satisfied with her skeleton. When she looked all around, the only thought that crossed people's minds was I'm not making her coffin.
She went off on her merry way, to the queen. She said that if the executioner were to cut off something, it would be to cut off the excess body parts that weren't needed. So she'll be beautiful. So she wouldn't have to pretend to fit into that blue dress.
So when she falls down the hole, she'll break into pieces. Then she'll never have to be in Wonderland again.
Of course, if it ever was Wonderland in the first place.
I'm tired of singing love songs in the dark where alley ways lead to dead ends.
I'm tired of pretending we're invincible.
All it takes is for someone to crush that mirror in your eyes, and for you to die of a broken heart. We're all drama queens and kings, it just takes the best liars to rule over the kingdom.
And I really hope your house of cards falls because I won't be there to put it back together.
In the end, all we really are is vulnerable.
(Sometimes I don't believe it.)
When you feel so alone in the world, you don't seem to realize that other people feel the same way. We only pay attention to ourselves.
When the problem is blameless, you need somebody to blame. You blame the easiest person.
All it depends on is whether or not you want the spotlight.
Honestly, shut up.
Here we go.
-
Avenue Q
-OST: Avenue Q (Original Broadway Cast)
Camp Rock
-OST: Camp Rock
Chobits
-Song: Let Me Be With You
D.Gray-Man
-Song: Tsunaide te ni Kiss wo
Death Note
-Song: What's Up People?
FOB Mixtape
-Album: DJ Clinton Sparks & Fall Out Boy - Welcome to the New Administration
Gundam Seed
-Song: Fields of Hope
Kingdom Hearts
-OST: KHII (Two Discs)
Naruto
-Song: Blue Bird
-Song: Grief and Sorrow (Sadness and Sorrow)
-Song: Hinata vs Neji
Ouran High School Host Club
-Song: Bokura no Love Style - Hikaru & Kaoru Hitachiin
-Song: Daisuke Kirii - Itsumo Gawa Ni - Mori
-Song: Doki Doki Waku Waku - Hunny
-Song: Guilty Beauty Love - Tamaki Suoh
-Song: Little Wings - Haruhi Fujioka
-Song: Mata Ashita - Ouran High School Host Club
-Song: Tsumetai Yoru - Kyouya
The Phantom of the Opera
-Song: The Phantom of the Opera
-Song: Down Once More/Track This Murderer
-Song: Learn To Be Lonely
The Punisher
-Song: Broken - Amy lee & Seether
-Song: Finding Myself - Smile Empty Soul
-Song: Lost In A Portrait - Trapt
Rent
-OST: Rent - Two Discs (Original Broadway Cast)
VOCALOIDs
-Song: Alice's Human Sacrifice
-Song: BPM - Hatsune Miku
-Song: Dark Woods Circus
-Song: The Daughter of Evil - Rin Kagamine
-Song: I... I-I-I Like You - I Love You! - Rin Kagamine
-Song: Kokoro - Len Kagamine
-Song: Kokoro - Rin Kagamine
-Song: Last Night, Good Night - Hatsune Miku
-Song: Love Is War - Hatsune Miku
-Song: Meltdown - Rin Kagamine
-Song: The Servant of Evil - Len Kagamine
-Song: Shangri-La - Len & Rin Kagamine
-Song: Smile - Rin Kagamine
-Song: Winter Memories - Hatsune Miku
Here is what I have right now, in alphabetical order by artist/band. Albums will be available for a .rar download and individual songs might be up for links. Everything is in mp3 format unless otherwise stated.
Anime/Vocaloid/Soundtrack songs will be later, in a different post.
~
3OH!3
-Album: Want
30 Seconds To Mars
-Album: A Beautiful Lie
A Fine Frenzy
-Song: Almost Lover
-Song: Ashes & Wine
-Song: Near To You
A Rocket To The Moon
-EP: Summer '07
-Album: Greetings From...
A Static Lullaby
-Album: Rattlesnake!
The Academy Is...
-Album: Almost Here
-Album: Santi
-Album: Fast Times at Barrington High
AFI
-Album: Decemberunderground
alicenine.
-Album: VANDALIZE
-DVD: DISCOTHEQUE play like 'A' RAINBOWS enter&exit Live Audio
-Song: Cosmic World
-Song: FANTASY
-Song: MIRROR BALL (Single Version)
-Song: Q
-Song: Ruri no Ame
-Song: Shunkashuutou
-Song: Stray Cat
-Song: VELVET
-Song: WHITE PRAYER
The All American Rejects
-Album: Move Along
All Time Low
-Album: The Party Scene
-EP: Put Up Or Shut Up
-Album: So Wrong, It's Right
-Album: Nothing Personal (.m4a for iPod)
-Song: Umbrella (Cover)
Apocalyptica
-Song: I Don't Care
-Song: I'm Not Jesus
-Song: Repressed
-Song: SOS (Anything But Love)
Artist vs Poet
-EP: Artist vs Poet
Breaking Benjamin
-Song: Breathe
-Song: Blow Me Away
-Song: Diary of Jane
-Song: Diary of Jane (Acoustic)
-Song: So Cold
-Song: Sooner or Later
-Song: Until The End
Bullet For My Valentine
-Album: The Poison
Busted
-Album: Busted
Cobra Starship
-Album: While The City Sleeps, We Rule The Streets
-Album: ¡Viva La Cobra!
-Song: Hollaback Boy
-Song: (I Make) Good Girls Go Bad
-Song: Pete Wentz Is The Only Reason We're Famous
Dir en Grey
-Album: Uroboros
Elliot Minor
-Too many individual songs. Ask.
Evanescence
-Album: Fallen
-Album: The Open Door
-Song: Anything For You
-Song: Anywhere
Fall Out Boy
-Album: From Under The Cork Tree
-Album: Infinity On High
-Album: Folie a Deux
Family Force 5
-Album: Business Up Front/Party In The Back (.m4a for iPod)
-Album: Dance or Die (.m4a for iPod)
Forever The Sickest Kids
-Album: Underdog Alma Mater
the GazettE
-EP: Akuyuukai
-EP: Spermargarita
-EP: Hankou Seimeibun
-EP: Madara
-Album: Disorder
-EP: Gama
-Album: NIL
-Album: STACKED RUBBISH
-Album: DIM
-Single: DISTRESS AND COMA
-Song: Defective Tragedy
-Song: Last Bouquet
-Song: Miseinen
Hey Monday
-Album: Hold On Tight
Hoobastank
-Album: Every Man For Himself
Hot Hot Heat
-Album: Happiness Ltd.
The Hush Sound
-Album: Like Vines (.m4a for iPod)
-Album: Goodbye Blues (.m4a for iPod)
Jack's Mannequin
-Album: Everything In Transit
-Album: The Glass Passenger
Jonas Brothers
-Album: Jonas Brothers
-Album: A Little Bit Longer
Kagrra,
-Album: Gozen
-Album: Core
-Album: Shu
-Single: Utakata
LM.C
-Song: 88
-Song: BOYS & GIRLS
-Song: LIAR LIAR
-Song: OH MY JULIET
Loveholic
-Song: Meh Ah Ri
-Song: Sad Story
-Song: Shinkirou
-Song: Sky
-Song: Sylvia
Maaya Sakamoto
-Song: The Garden of Everything
-Song: Gravity
Madina Lake
-Album: Attics to Eden
The Medic Droid
-Album: What's Your Medium? (.m4a for iPod)
Midtown
-Album: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
-Album: Forget What You Know
miyavi
-Album: Miyaviuta ~dokusou~
-Song: Senor Senora Senorita
Panic at the Disco
-Album: A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
-Album: Pretty. Odd.
Paramore
-Album: All We Know Is Falling
-Album: Riot!
Poets of the Fall
-Album: Carnival of Rust
Say Anything
-Album: ...Is A Real Boy
-Song: Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too
ScReW
-Mini Album: VIRUS
-Mini Album: RACIAL MIXTURE
-Song: Gather Roses
-Song: Wailing Wall
SID
-Album: Hikari
-Song: ALIBI
-Song: Binetsu
-Song: Boku, Nida
-Song: Namida no Ondo
-Song: Natsukoi
-Song: Otegami
-Song: Sweet?
Skillet
-Album: Comatose
SuG
-EP: I Scream Party
-Album: n0iZ stAr
-EP: Punkitsch
-Song: Alterna.
Sum 41
-Album: Chuck
-Song: Count Your Last Blessings
The Summer Obsession
-Album: This Is Where You Belong
t.A.T.u.
-Album: 200 KM/H In The Wrong Lane
-Album: Dangerous and Moving
Theory of a Deadman
-Album: Scars and Souvenirs
This Is A Shakedown
-Album: Love Kills
Thriving Ivory
-Album: Thriving Ivory
We The Kings
-Album: We The Kings
Within Temptation
-Album: The Silent Force
-EP: The Howling
Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I have the fucking best friends in my life, ever. I have no idea what I ever did to deserve them, but I'm going to try to keep them happy to the best of my ability.
I can't ask for better people to talk to.
<33333
Sometimes it's just so hard to breathe.
Because the tears burn you from the inside out.
And they'll tell you that you look so pretty before you die out.
Somehow, it was so hard for me to listen to William's voice again after avoiding it for such a long time. And now I remember why I enjoyed it so much, why I thought he was so talented, why it always and still makes me cry.
He will always hold a special place in my heart, like all the other musicians who changed my life in ways unknown to them. They mean so, so much, but other people don't understand that because to them, they're just people.
Well, they aren't just people to me. Like how some keepsakes aren't just objects to people.
It's sort of strange in a way.
...
I need a reality check.
If you are reading this right now, you have more luxury than someone in Iran could ever hope for right now. If you are watching TV or a video on youtube, updating your status on Facebook, Tweeting, or even texting your friend, you are lucky. If you are safe in your home, and were able to sleep last night without the sounds of screaming from the rooftops, you need to know and understand what is happening to people just like you in Iran right now.
On Friday, millions of people waited for hours in line to vote in Iran's Presidential election. Later that night, as votes came in, Mousavi was alerted that he was winning by a two-thirds margin. Then there was a change. Suddenly, it was Ahmadinejad who had 68% of the vote - in areas which have been firmly against his political party, he overwhelmingly won. Within three hours, millions of votes were supposedly counted - the victor was Ahmadinejad. Immediately fraud was suspected - there was no way he could have won by this great a margin with such opposition. Since then, reports have been coming in of burned ballots, or in some cases numbers being given without any being counted at all. None of this is confirmed, but what happened next seems to do the trick.
Mousavi requested that the government allow a peaceful rally to occur this morning - the request was denied. Many thought that it would not happen. Nevertheless, first a few thousand people showed up in the streets of Tehran. At this point, it is estimated that 1 to 2 million people were there. Mousavi spoke on the top of a car. The police stood by. For a few hours, everything was peaceful. Right now, the same cannot be said. Reports of injuries, shootings, and killings are flooding the internet. Twitter has been an invaluable source - those in Iran who still know how to access it are updating regularly with picture evidence. People are being brutally beaten. Tonight will be another night without rest for so many in Iran no older than I am. Tonight there is a Green Revolution.
[ You Told Me To Go Find God ]
So I went on a journey
where footsteps took a day.
I ended up in a dingy place
because I took a wrong turn,
but you urged me on.
Guess what?
I found him on 19th Avenue.
-
[ Checking-In ]
Cockroaches on the floor
Missing teeth from the concierge
Peeling paint on the walls
Eerie noises from the down the outside hallway
Stained sheets on the bed
Cold water in the shower
Take it all in,
You tell yourself and breathe in deeply,
Because this is
Home.
-
[ The Legal Aspect of Things ]
If I can remember
the swishing of tide water
the smell of field daisies
Do you think I can forget
the dolls my wife hangs from the tree outside
with pins in my name?
-
[ Where The Heart Is ]
I'm just dreaming with my eyes pinned open
Because this world without you is just
"[-fantasy-]"
Dark blue, dark blue.
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?
School is officially over. Summer time, baby! I really need something to do. I'll hang out with some friends and get a job/volunteer or something.
I really like Mao's make up in this video.
This song is really addicting. Mao's voice is so smooth.
I don't know... I like how they focus in on Mao's eyes. It just fits so well.
(My favorite from the band is still Aki, shhh...)
What the title says.
~
Books That Need To Be Completed:
-Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
-Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris
-Twisted Triangle by Caitlin Rother
-The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara
~
Books That Need To Be Requested
-Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
-Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire
-The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
-World Without End by Ken Follett
-Wicked by Gregory Maguire
-Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire
-The Demonata: Death's Shadow by Darren Shan
-Tithe by Holly Black
~
Recommendations if you want them...
-Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
-The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-Dan Brown
-Darren Shan-Terry Brooks
-Stephen King
-Dean Koontz
I haven't read a good book outside of my favorite authors (except for Geek Love) in a while... Sorry, I just don't have time to read these things. I wish I did, though.
The plants that grow under the broken starlight, the ones that hope, they give, and they love. Unable to move, unable to seek the places they want to seek, they stay; they stay partially for their own will and unwillingly, at the same time.
A miracle happens.
After a while that miracle is not as shining as it used to be, and they, too, also escape the blue skies with the wretched clutch of society just trying to tear this work apart until it's something seemingly "acceptable." They don't live to prosper.
The older, brown vegetation seem to tear with the morning sunrise; its crying hidden by an obscure painting of contentment.
But the products replied with a simple,
"Happy Mother's Day."
-
(I'm really late with this.)
Love Scream Party - SuG
I am in love with their lead singer, Takeru, haha. I really adore his facial expressions and his voice... This look fits him very well. I dare you to try and resist that grin of his.
SuG is a relatively new band compared to a lot of Jrock bands, such as the GazettE, alice nine., LM.C, and et cetera. I finally satisfied my curiosity about them ever since I found out that they were signed onto the Indie PSC division (so that would be around January).
What first attracted me to them was their bright and colorful style. -laughs-
Hope you enjoy this song as much as I do; they do have more serious videos. Go search them on YouTube if you wish.
It's been a while since I posted on here. The goodness of blogging.
Life has been harsh, along with its own confusing sequence of up's and down's, but nonetheless, you live it. Don't deal, live. It's the only way of working through the hard times.
High school. Most people would say it was the best years of their life, but in fact, it is my worst so far. Who would've thought high school students would be more immature than those back in middle school? I thought I left such imbeciles behind. Guess I was wrong. Apparently, they have nothing better to do than to be the obnoxious people that they're giving me the impression of. It's not as if they try to reverse such behavior anyway.
I've had the misfortune of them being in my homeroom class, especially during very crucial state tests this week. You know, the ones that decide my classes for next year. They were particularly loud today and made it hard to concentrate on one of my more difficult subjects: Advanced Algebra. They also decided to make me their victim for the day; very unfortunate, indeed. If I wasn't so sensitive, I would've gotten angry instead of just wanting to cry my butt off.
Mmmm, can't toughen up.
Of course, I'm only fourteen. Everything seems to be the end of the world when you're at this "tender" age - or at least that's what my parents call it.
Now, I shall go off to read the Goosebumps books and relive my childhood, plus decide how I will die. Ciao!
In response to this blogpost. I didn't respond on Tumblr because my Tumblr is for music.
-
You never know if you're doing "the right thing".
I think if you fret on it too much, somehow you distort that thought into being "the wrong thing". In all honesty, there is no "wrong" or "right" if you learn to look past being human.
Normally, this is where gut feeling would come in. Making a change in your life is about taking risks, and if you're not willing to, you will never get anywhere. Yes, there will be regrets; yes, there will be "what if"s. But you cannot truly live life trying to make sense of it. You should just do what you feel if you're catching yourself with this situation.
Even if you have second thoughts, it won't change what you've done. Eventually, you'll need to learn to let it go.
And I shall end my weak response with this:
Eyes are placed in the front because it's more important to look forward than to look back.
We're spinning needles on broken thread.
Shadows chase until the point of haunting.
The coastal blue turns an envious green.
I wish you knew me.
I had an extremely good day today.
Well, nothing extraordinary happened, but I enjoyed all my class today - which is weird, considering they're my loathed ones.
Amazing how such plain things could make you feel on top of the world.
:)
You could be happy.
Worn, torn, and onto the point, you are.
Every chance you lost, you could have been, but you weren't and that made all the difference.
Seeing you is like watching myself.
You could be happy.
Tell me what I can or cannot do.
Shoot my vision, cover it, and I'll be in your arms for the rest of eternity.
But I'll drip satellite tears.
Only so much you can do to stow me away in this life. I'll crush your signal and delete all of your data.
Let me see.
I'm ignorant otherwise.
When my heart rate goes up to 128 bpm, does it satisfy you?Do you feel a certain sense of victory lingering in that delusional mind of yours?
At the instance, I could die, do you fill with joy?
I don't know what to say to you.
You bound me to the train tracks and left me to see myself to doom, bright and dim as the sky was that day. The rough caress and easy-going personality you imprinted upon me no longer there. You couldn't have warned me of the danger I was put in.
Appalling. Terrifying. Horrific.
I wanted to cry, yet I didn't.
For all the things you could have done, you did this.
You locked the back door while my wings were sewn just to make sure I wouldn't get out. Ripping them off was your greatest satisfaction.
[With frozen eyes, my words became meaningless as the world became a pretty, pristine white. My, oh my, what a disaster.]
[Tell me something different.]
[Should I have said the right things? Key word: should.]
[Anorexic birds drop dead. Burnt plants live on. A wonderful place in the back of my mind. Still stuck with perpetual motionless.]
["Don't wish you could see."]
[I never did.]
If only things could've gone different for you and me. You refuse to stare at me right in the eye, as if you were afraid of something.
There is no exceptional quality to this matter.
[Someone's bleeding tears.]
"Martyrdom."
Today was...
Definitely interesting.
I did things that I wouldn't usually do, and I had fun doing them. In all, it was pleasant, and the fact that it's raining here soothes me.
I love the rain. It is a comforting presence for me in my home.
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