Thoughts Under The Stars

At night, when the time ticks by to almost the next day, I always lie awake in my bed with my iPod on and the buds in my ears. Those are the times that I feel so alone, so by myself, and my mind pulls away from reality as I try to drift off into unconsciousness. Like last night.

It was then and there that I completely forgot that I knew the English language and that I completely forgot all the translations for the songs that I didn't understand.

Those are the times that I really listened. Not with my mind, but with everything else.

And I felt, literally just felt, my heart aching whenever I listened to the slow songs. When I heard just the saddening melodies and the pained voices, I realized that I really wasn't alone. There were other people who felt the same loneliness that I did, and they were there with me, when I needed them most. No thoughts, no attachments, no self-pity. Just agonizing, piercing realization that I was there, while everyone else had somewhere to be, and I couldn't force myself to sleep no matter how much I tried.

My eyes stared at a dark ceiling.

Yeah, my heart was still giving me a dull pain, but I felt those every night. The nights where I couldn't talk to my friends because I had to be offline. Were those the reasons why it hurt?

I checked the time in Tokyo. Some late afternoon/early evening. In my head, all that went through is the GazettE will be performing soon. Somehow, that made me a little bit sadder. It was definitely confusing, feeling melancholy yet contentment at the same time.

But I realized that I like where I am, even if I want more. That feeling was what lulled me to sleep, more so than the sweet lullaby filling my ears.