Pinned Onto A Star

When my heart rate goes up to 128 bpm, does it satisfy you?

Do you feel a certain sense of victory lingering in that delusional mind of yours?

At the instance, I could die, do you fill with joy?

I don't know what to say to you.

You bound me to the train tracks and left me to see myself to doom, bright and dim as the sky was that day. The rough caress and easy-going personality you imprinted upon me no longer there. You couldn't have warned me of the danger I was put in.

Appalling. Terrifying. Horrific.

I wanted to cry, yet I didn't.

For all the things you could have done, you did this.

You locked the back door while my wings were sewn just to make sure I wouldn't get out. Ripping them off was your greatest satisfaction.

[With frozen eyes, my words became meaningless as the world became a pretty, pristine white. My, oh my, what a disaster.]

[Tell me something different.]

[Should I have said the right things? Key word: should.]

[Anorexic birds drop dead. Burnt plants live on. A wonderful place in the back of my mind. Still stuck with perpetual motionless.]

["Don't wish you could see."]

[I never did.]

If only things could've gone different for you and me. You refuse to stare at me right in the eye, as if you were afraid of something.

There is no exceptional quality to this matter.

[Someone's bleeding tears.]

"Martyrdom."

Daylight Supper

If only you knew the right things to say.

Your heart strings tug and they tug deep, but they only tug enough so that your heart will give a slight ache, but the pain is still there. It's not easy to shake off, and maybe you don't, so if you don't it's still there.

It's a painful process. Not a very rewarding one, not a very fulfilling one, yet you take it anyway. Sometimes people wonder why and you give them no answer, returning home to your one bedroom apartment and staring off into the small space you have to yourself.

You abruptly feel dreadfully alone at your two person table.

Free Hugs

This video makes me want to hug someone. Very badly.

Super Junior's music always makes me smile and happy. Like "Happiness" for instance (although "Miracle" also makes me giddy).

I NEED TO PHYSICALLY HUG SOMEBODY BEFORE I EXPLODE.

-HUGS YOU ALL-

Thank you, Super Junior, for making me feel better about S.A.D. <3

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Exposure

My keeper is a person afraid of change.

(close to me, close to you)

Orders shrill in the air, the knife cutting deep into the silent so noise bleeds. It’s so quiet. So still. Like a premonition of something void due to run on its path.

Jog, walk, slow down.

(hands on top of mine)

If only this redundant lifestyle could break out of routine. Why hadn’t I been born a butterfly?

Scales being painfully plucked off, one by one. Feeling myself break is the only relief I get so I don’t have to tie myself up together again. Like a person ties shoelaces. One loop over the other.

(for all the things i could’ve said, i didn’t)

Filtered sunlight, smudged skin.

Amazing how much you can do with just one click. One movement. One stroke.

I’m under his spell again and can’t get out.

Lost myself again.

(am i [ n a k e d ] enough?)

Last Night, Good Night

Song Recommendation: People Error - The GazettE

-

I hear them whirring.

Like some sort of shrill knife ripping through the air, steadily coming closer and closer at such a high speed that it feels like they’ll cut right through me. Wheels are turning against my will.

The cherry blossoms are falling again. Their small, bright pink petals litter the soiled ground and remind me of a sad metaphor my friend once told me.

“Do they not remind you of people?”

And to that I replied: “Always.”

They’ll remind me of you.

As spectators, we looked on with blind eyes.

Naive people we were, thinking that nothing could push us down from our reign on top of the world. How we wished to be as privileged as those who could see.

Then, suddenly, we were.

But somehow, I wish we weren't.

Pale In Comparison

Today was...

Definitely interesting.

I did things that I wouldn't usually do, and I had fun doing them. In all, it was pleasant, and the fact that it's raining here soothes me.

I love the rain. It is a comforting presence for me in my home.

No Words Left

*THIS POST MAY CONTAIN NANA SPOILERS*

Holy fucking shit.

I started reading Nana again from Chapter 53 (oh, how I missed manga), and a sudden turn of events just killed me.

Ren is gone.

He was my favorite character, even with his cowardly ways and drug addiction. He just died.

And the tears started falling down from my cheeks.

I don't even know if I want to continue reading it without him playing a physical role in the story. God, he and Nana never got to make up and the way he died...

He saved his hands.
He saved his fucking hands.
Because playing guitar meant that much to him.

He was going to quit Trapnest too.
In a way, I guess he did.

Jesus Christ. It's pathetic to be crying over a fictional character, but damn. Why him?

Nana is so dead. She's so lifeless without him. I always thought Ren and Nana were a really good couple.

But, in the end, he picked Trapnest.
Because he loved Reira more than he loved Nana.

He couldn't take it.