We're Not In Wonderland Anymore

cut

2010-03-10T21:10:00.000-08:00

i listen to you talk in fragmented words and scissored thoughts
i listen to you talk with a burnt throat and sewn lips

i watch you break with a knitted pattern and a slow fall.

to the end

2010-02-05T22:50:00.001-08:00

i dream of you in colors
left unseen by light
and abandoned by the
reflections of us

i don't know.

2010-01-31T20:32:00.001-08:00

let me cry.

I cried during Brokeback Mountain.

2010-01-22T20:09:00.001-08:00

Shit.

at the end of the road

2010-01-08T16:30:00.001-08:00

the aftermath is always subtle
slipping under our fingertips
and caressing the wind

with a bang.

2009-12-29T15:57:00.000-08:00

trace wordless confessions along bones
learn lessons in letting go

close your eyes
so this hurts a little less

grab my hand
promise to take me anywhere

take my breath away
i'm an expert in suffocating

steal my heart from my chest
it's not a sin if you're not sorry

sing me a lullaby
before you slip away

no, no, don't leave me

(how did we end up here?)

(i don't know, i don't know...)

Summer Hair = Forever Young

2009-12-16T16:39:00.000-08:00

This. This used to be THE only song I listened to.

I know that it sounds kind of stupid and pointless for me to develop such an attachment to something as seemingly small as a song, but it's not just the fact that it's a song. I can't explain it, but... Nobody except my (used to be) closest friends know about how much I'm attached to William Beckett for saving my life, for giving me hope, for giving me strength.

I used to cry to this song every night... November '08, maybe? You have no idea about me. I have never been so into a band for this long. It's kind of frightening that my attention hasn't completely gone somewhere else.

I'm unable to express how much this song affects me every time I listen to it when I'm alone like I am right now. My body shivers. It's kind of like this song was written for me; nostalgia and pain rush inside of me whenever Beckett's voice in this fills my ears. The lyrics hit so close to home.

Don't come any closer
Don't tell me it's over
Don't kiss me goodbye

Here we are
Am I taking this too hard?

Don't say it's easy
The hardest part is leaving
Don't you wonder why
Suddenly we're all
Running out of time

THIS is the part of the song that ALWAYS gets to me. ALWAYS. Growing up has been a painful experience and whenever this part comes up, I always feel like Beckett knows exactly how the inside of my heart is. He is an amazing person, and so are the rest of the band.

I hope you love this song as much as I do.

Inside This House

2009-12-05T10:58:00.000-08:00

Tell me my dreams are worth going after.

Tell me that I'm meant for something bigger than the skin I'm in.

Because I know I am.

I know.

I'll be fine, I swear.

2009-11-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged, huh?

Not like anyone reads this anyway... I've been really tired as of late and want to sleep. But I'm not. Stupid homework.

Oh well.
Oh well.

I'm still breathing.

Where The Wild Things Are

2009-10-17T20:47:00.000-07:00

I just watched the movie today.

I have to say that it was really good. It made me laugh and cry at the same time, which is kind of weird, but it did. Max Records definitely pulled the whole thing together; his performance was phenomenal. What caught my attention the most was the way he cried because he seemed like he was really crying and it wasn't just water dripping down his face. He literally curled his lips and squeezed his eyes like people do when they're crying. That was amazing.

Though, this movie is definitely not for children. It has more adult views of childhood and life than those that a child would think of.

Just go see it. It'll be worth your time.

<3

Bath Room - the GazettE

2009-09-27T21:05:00.001-07:00

眠れないのは何故？静けさに酔いしれてた
湿った部屋で一人また　口ずさめば戯しく
眠れないのは何故？あなたが見えたから
視点は濡れた床　頭をかしげて眠ってる

知りたくもないような現実にただ無感情で
声も出さずずっと　瞬きすら忘れて　あなたに見とれていた

眠ってしまいたい　目覚めだけを恐れて
全てを忘れたい　身勝手な戯言ね
貴女の名前を呼ぶ　寡黙に気がふれる
痩せたかたを掴み叫んだ　か細過ぎた温もりに

知りたくもないような現実に深く心溺れ
唇を噛み堪えた涙さえ　意味が無いとしった

立ち尽くす僕の背後の声
吐き出す理由など　どうでもよかった
ただ　目の前のあなたがとても寂しそうな顔で
何一つ出来なかった　自分を死ぬ程憎んだ

名前をくれた唯一のあなたへ　このまま傍に居てくれないか
そう　僕にとって最後の優しき「母」

白い壁にそっと　真っ赤な絵の具であなたを縁取った
まだ暖かい頬をすり寄せて　静かに笑ってみせよう
目蓋を閉じ　温もりが消える頃　僕はあなたの傍で

Can You Keep A Secret?

2009-09-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

Because I know I can't.

So this will be just between me and you.

2009-09-12T11:51:00.000-07:00

We live once.

We love once.

We die once.

And I died with you.

Don't burn your heart out, love.

2009-09-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

When I look at my Geometry class, it's kind of weird. Only way I could put it.

It makes me feel kind of lonely, you know? I don't have anybody I talk to during the long periods of time I have to spend in there with the exception of people that converse with me to get assignments for other classes. It's not like I don't try; people just find me too weird for their tastes, I guess.

Everybody else has somebody with them and they just keep on talking and talking. While they're all doing that, I'm usually doodling or doing work. About two to three weeks of school have passed and I don't feel any better than I did in freshman year. The people in my grade know who I am, but it only goes up to that. Makes me feel kind of disconnected and alienated in a sense.

Oh well.

Taken from StonoCaves (edgeofyourbed.blogspot.com)

2009-08-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

One

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Tag friends.

1. Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
2. Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk
3. Angels & Demons by Dan Brown
4. Whispers by Dean Koontz
5. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
6. The Little Prince by Saint De-Exupery
7. Death With Interruptions by Jose Saramago
8. Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
9. Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk
10. Valiant by Holly Black
11. The Saga of Darren Shan by Darren Shan
12. The Demonata by Darren Shan
13. The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
14. World Without End by Ken Follett
15. My Antonia by Willa Cather

-

Two

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 10 people you like. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

Pick your artist: Fall Out Boy :)
Are you a female: Don't You Think I Know Who I Am?
Describe yourself: The (Shipped) Gold Standard
How do you feel: Golden
Describe where you currently live: Of All the Gin Joints in the World
If you could go anywhere, where would you go: The Carpal Tunnel of Love
Your favourite form of transportation: Dance Dance
Your best friend is: She's My Winona
You and your best friend are: America's Suitehearts
Favourite time of day: I Don't Care
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: What A Catch, Donnie
What is life to you: 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Heaven)
Your relationship: I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me
Your fear: The Music and The Misery
What is the best advice you have to give: Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying
How would you like to die: 20 Dollar Nosebleed
Your soul's present condition: Hum Hallelujah
Your motto: Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

Thoughts Under The Stars

2009-08-02T21:46:00.000-07:00

At night, when the time ticks by to almost the next day, I always lie awake in my bed with my iPod on and the buds in my ears. Those are the times that I feel so alone, so by myself, and my mind pulls away from reality as I try to drift off into unconsciousness. Like last night.

It was then and there that I completely forgot that I knew the English language and that I completely forgot all the translations for the songs that I didn't understand.

Those are the times that I really listened. Not with my mind, but with everything else.

And I felt, literally just felt, my heart aching whenever I listened to the slow songs. When I heard just the saddening melodies and the pained voices, I realized that I really wasn't alone. There were other people who felt the same loneliness that I did, and they were there with me, when I needed them most. No thoughts, no attachments, no self-pity. Just agonizing, piercing realization that I was there, while everyone else had somewhere to be, and I couldn't force myself to sleep no matter how much I tried.

My eyes stared at a dark ceiling.

Yeah, my heart was still giving me a dull pain, but I felt those every night. The nights where I couldn't talk to my friends because I had to be offline. Were those the reasons why it hurt?

I checked the time in Tokyo. Some late afternoon/early evening. In my head, all that went through is the GazettE will be performing soon. Somehow, that made me a little bit sadder. It was definitely confusing, feeling melancholy yet contentment at the same time.

But I realized that I like where I am, even if I want more. That feeling was what lulled me to sleep, more so than the sweet lullaby filling my ears.

This Has "Kill Me" Written All Over It

2009-07-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

Alice says she's too fat.

She says there's too much in the middle, too much on the bottom, but not enough on top.

She went to go make a deal with time, something to do with not eating, and when she returned, she seemed to be satisfied with her skeleton. When she looked all around, the only thought that crossed people's minds was I'm not making her coffin.

She went off on her merry way, to the queen. She said that if the executioner were to cut off something, it would be to cut off the excess body parts that weren't needed. So she'll be beautiful. So she wouldn't have to pretend to fit into that blue dress.

So when she falls down the hole, she'll break into pieces. Then she'll never have to be in Wonderland again.

Of course, if it ever was Wonderland in the first place.

Ecstasy

2009-07-27T21:20:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of singing love songs in the dark where alley ways lead to dead ends.

I'm tired of pretending we're invincible.

All it takes is for someone to crush that mirror in your eyes, and for you to die of a broken heart. We're all drama queens and kings, it just takes the best liars to rule over the kingdom.

And I really hope your house of cards falls because I won't be there to put it back together.

In the end, all we really are is vulnerable.

(Sometimes I don't believe it.)

Seething

2009-07-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

When you feel so alone in the world, you don't seem to realize that other people feel the same way. We only pay attention to ourselves.

When the problem is blameless, you need somebody to blame. You blame the easiest person.

All it depends on is whether or not you want the spotlight.

Honestly, shut up.

Music Downloads/Requests - Part Two (Anime & Soundtracks & VOCALOIDs)

2009-07-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

Here we go.

Avenue Q
-OST: Avenue Q (Original Broadway Cast)

Camp Rock
-OST: Camp Rock

Chobits
-Song: Let Me Be With You

D.Gray-Man
-Song: Tsunaide te ni Kiss wo

Death Note
-Song: What's Up People?

FOB Mixtape
-Album: DJ Clinton Sparks & Fall Out Boy - Welcome to the New Administration

Gundam Seed
-Song: Fields of Hope

Kingdom Hearts
-OST: KHII (Two Discs)

Naruto
-Song: Blue Bird
-Song: Grief and Sorrow (Sadness and Sorrow)
-Song: Hinata vs Neji

Ouran High School Host Club
-Song: Bokura no Love Style - Hikaru & Kaoru Hitachiin
-Song: Daisuke Kirii - Itsumo Gawa Ni - Mori
-Song: Doki Doki Waku Waku - Hunny
-Song: Guilty Beauty Love - Tamaki Suoh
-Song: Little Wings - Haruhi Fujioka
-Song: Mata Ashita - Ouran High School Host Club
-Song: Tsumetai Yoru - Kyouya

The Phantom of the Opera
-Song: The Phantom of the Opera
-Song: Down Once More/Track This Murderer
-Song: Learn To Be Lonely

The Punisher
-Song: Broken - Amy lee & Seether
-Song: Finding Myself - Smile Empty Soul
-Song: Lost In A Portrait - Trapt

Rent
-OST: Rent - Two Discs (Original Broadway Cast)

VOCALOIDs
-Song: Alice's Human Sacrifice
-Song: BPM - Hatsune Miku
-Song: Dark Woods Circus
-Song: The Daughter of Evil - Rin Kagamine
-Song: I... I-I-I Like You - I Love You! - Rin Kagamine
-Song: Kokoro - Len Kagamine
-Song: Kokoro - Rin Kagamine
-Song: Last Night, Good Night - Hatsune Miku
-Song: Love Is War - Hatsune Miku
-Song: Meltdown - Rin Kagamine
-Song: The Servant of Evil - Len Kagamine
-Song: Shangri-La - Len & Rin Kagamine
-Song: Smile - Rin Kagamine
-Song: Winter Memories - Hatsune Miku

Music Downloads/Requests - Part One (Bands & Artists)

2009-07-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

Here is what I have right now, in alphabetical order by artist/band. Albums will be available for a .rar download and individual songs might be up for links. Everything is in mp3 format unless otherwise stated.

Anime/Vocaloid/Soundtrack songs will be later, in a different post.

3OH!3
-Album: Want

30 Seconds To Mars
-Album: A Beautiful Lie

A Fine Frenzy
-Song: Almost Lover
-Song: Ashes & Wine
-Song: Near To You

A Rocket To The Moon
-EP: Summer '07
-Album: Greetings From...

A Static Lullaby
-Album: Rattlesnake!

The Academy Is...
-Album: Almost Here
-Album: Santi
-Album: Fast Times at Barrington High

AFI
-Album: Decemberunderground

alicenine.
-Album: VANDALIZE
-DVD: DISCOTHEQUE play like 'A' RAINBOWS enter&exit Live Audio
-Song: Cosmic World
-Song: FANTASY
-Song: MIRROR BALL (Single Version)
-Song: Q
-Song: Ruri no Ame
-Song: Shunkashuutou
-Song: Stray Cat
-Song: VELVET
-Song: WHITE PRAYER

The All American Rejects
-Album: Move Along

All Time Low
-Album: The Party Scene
-EP: Put Up Or Shut Up
-Album: So Wrong, It's Right
-Album: Nothing Personal (.m4a for iPod)
-Song: Umbrella (Cover)

Apocalyptica
-Song: I Don't Care
-Song: I'm Not Jesus
-Song: Repressed
-Song: SOS (Anything But Love)

Artist vs Poet
-EP: Artist vs Poet

Breaking Benjamin
-Song: Breathe
-Song: Blow Me Away
-Song: Diary of Jane
-Song: Diary of Jane (Acoustic)
-Song: So Cold
-Song: Sooner or Later
-Song: Until The End

Bullet For My Valentine
-Album: The Poison

Busted
-Album: Busted

Cobra Starship
-Album: While The City Sleeps, We Rule The Streets
-Album: ¡Viva La Cobra!
-Song: Hollaback Boy
-Song: (I Make) Good Girls Go Bad
-Song: Pete Wentz Is The Only Reason We're Famous

Dir en Grey
-Album: Uroboros

Elliot Minor
-Too many individual songs. Ask.

Evanescence
-Album: Fallen
-Album: The Open Door
-Song: Anything For You
-Song: Anywhere

Fall Out Boy
-Album: From Under The Cork Tree
-Album: Infinity On High
-Album: Folie a Deux

Family Force 5
-Album: Business Up Front/Party In The Back (.m4a for iPod)
-Album: Dance or Die (.m4a for iPod)

Forever The Sickest Kids
-Album: Underdog Alma Mater

the GazettE
-EP: Akuyuukai
-EP: Spermargarita
-EP: Hankou Seimeibun
-EP: Madara
-Album: Disorder
-EP: Gama
-Album: NIL
-Album: STACKED RUBBISH
-Album: DIM
-Single: DISTRESS AND COMA
-Song: Defective Tragedy
-Song: Last Bouquet
-Song: Miseinen

Hey Monday
-Album: Hold On Tight

Hoobastank
-Album: Every Man For Himself

Hot Hot Heat
-Album: Happiness Ltd.

The Hush Sound
-Album: Like Vines (.m4a for iPod)
-Album: Goodbye Blues (.m4a for iPod)

Jack's Mannequin
-Album: Everything In Transit
-Album: The Glass Passenger

Jonas Brothers
-Album: Jonas Brothers
-Album: A Little Bit Longer

Kagrra,
-Album: Gozen
-Album: Core
-Album: Shu
-Single: Utakata

LM.C
-Song: 88
-Song: BOYS & GIRLS
-Song: LIAR LIAR
-Song: OH MY JULIET

Loveholic
-Song: Meh Ah Ri
-Song: Sad Story
-Song: Shinkirou
-Song: Sky
-Song: Sylvia

Maaya Sakamoto
-Song: The Garden of Everything
-Song: Gravity

Madina Lake
-Album: Attics to Eden

The Medic Droid
-Album: What's Your Medium? (.m4a for iPod)

Midtown
-Album: Living Well Is The Best Revenge
-Album: Forget What You Know

miyavi
-Album: Miyaviuta ~dokusou~
-Song: Senor Senora Senorita

Panic at the Disco
-Album: A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
-Album: Pretty. Odd.

Paramore
-Album: All We Know Is Falling
-Album: Riot!

Poets of the Fall
-Album: Carnival of Rust

Say Anything
-Album: ...Is A Real Boy
-Song: Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too

ScReW
-Mini Album: VIRUS
-Mini Album: RACIAL MIXTURE
-Song: Gather Roses
-Song: Wailing Wall

SID
-Album: Hikari
-Song: ALIBI
-Song: Binetsu
-Song: Boku, Nida
-Song: Namida no Ondo
-Song: Natsukoi
-Song: Otegami
-Song: Sweet?

Skillet
-Album: Comatose

SuG
-EP: I Scream Party
-Album: n0iZ stAr
-EP: Punkitsch
-Song: Alterna.

Sum 41
-Album: Chuck
-Song: Count Your Last Blessings

The Summer Obsession
-Album: This Is Where You Belong

t.A.T.u.
-Album: 200 KM/H In The Wrong Lane
-Album: Dangerous and Moving

Theory of a Deadman
-Album: Scars and Souvenirs

This Is A Shakedown
-Album: Love Kills

Thriving Ivory
-Album: Thriving Ivory

We The Kings
-Album: We The Kings

Within Temptation
-Album: The Silent Force
-EP: The Howling

So Beautiful

2009-07-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I have the fucking best friends in my life, ever. I have no idea what I ever did to deserve them, but I'm going to try to keep them happy to the best of my ability.

I can't ask for better people to talk to.

<33333

Through The Pain

2009-07-05T12:04:00.000-07:00

On the Chicago River after dark
We watch the city lights tear the sky apart
The wind was blowing her hair around
As the scenery explodes I tell you how

I fell into an old cliche
Always on the road, only halfway sane
No hospital can fix what I've become.

I've trapped myself in a ring of fire.
If I say I'm okay, I'm also a liar
The only way out is through the pain.
How am I gonna get through this?

I got so low that I'd get high
Just to sit and watch the miles go by.
Now I'm cold and sweaty a nauseous heart
I've got a million addictions wearing me down.
I fell into an old cliche
Always on the road, only halfway sane

I've trapped myself in a ring of fire.
If I say I'm okay, I'm also a liar
The only way out is through the pain

And as I write these words my hands start to shake
Withdrawal's kicking in not a second too late.
The only way out is through the pain.
Tomorrow I'll start again.

And now I'm begging for help I know I can't get
I've got to face this one alone.
And if I don't make it,
Remember that I'll always be a part of you.

I've trapped myself in a ring of fire
If I say I'm okay, I'm also a liar
The only way out is through the pain

And as I write these words, my hands start to shake
Withdrawal's kicking in not a second too late.
The only way out is through the pain.
Tomorrow I'll start again.

© Madina Lake

Fireworks

2009-06-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's just so hard to breathe.

Because the tears burn you from the inside out.

And they'll tell you that you look so pretty before you die out.

Dwelling in Emotions

2009-06-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

Somehow, it was so hard for me to listen to William's voice again after avoiding it for such a long time. And now I remember why I enjoyed it so much, why I thought he was so talented, why it always and still makes me cry.

He will always hold a special place in my heart, like all the other musicians who changed my life in ways unknown to them. They mean so, so much, but other people don't understand that because to them, they're just people.

Well, they aren't just people to me. Like how some keepsakes aren't just objects to people.

It's sort of strange in a way.

...

I need a reality check.

READ THIS AND REPOST, REPOST, REPOST!!!!

2009-06-17T17:50:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this right now, you have more luxury than someone in Iran could ever hope for right now. If you are watching TV or a video on youtube, updating your status on Facebook, Tweeting, or even texting your friend, you are lucky. If you are safe in your home, and were able to sleep last night without the sounds of screaming from the rooftops, you need to know and understand what is happening to people just like you in Iran right now.

They are not the enemy. They are a people whose election has been stolen. For the first time in a long time, a voice for change struck the youth of Iran, just as it did for many people in the United States only seven months ago. Hossein Mousavi gained the support of millions of people in Iran as a Presidential candidate. He stands for progressiveness. He supports good relations with the West, and the rest of the world. He is supported with fervor as he challenges the oppressive regime of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

On Friday, millions of people waited for hours in line to vote in Iran's Presidential election. Later that night, as votes came in, Mousavi was alerted that he was winning by a two-thirds margin. Then there was a change. Suddenly, it was Ahmadinejad who had 68% of the vote - in areas which have been firmly against his political party, he overwhelmingly won. Within three hours, millions of votes were supposedly counted - the victor was Ahmadinejad. Immediately fraud was suspected - there was no way he could have won by this great a margin with such opposition. Since then, reports have been coming in of burned ballots, or in some cases numbers being given without any being counted at all. None of this is confirmed, but what happened next seems to do the trick.

The people of Iran took the streets and rooftops. They shout "Death to the dictator" and "Allah o akbar." They join together to protest. Peacefully. The police attack some, but they stay strong. Riots happen, and the shouting continues all night. Text messaging was disabled, as was satellite, and websites which can spread information such as Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and the BBC are blocked in the country. At five in the morning, Arabic speaking soldiers (the people of Iran speak Farsi) stormed a university in the capital city of Tehran. While sleeping in their dormitories, five students were killed. Others were wounded. These soldiers are thought to have been brought in by Ahmadinejad from Lebanon. Today, 192 of the university's faculty have resigned in protest.

Mousavi requested that the government allow a peaceful rally to occur this morning - the request was denied. Many thought that it would not happen. Nevertheless, first a few thousand people showed up in the streets of Tehran. At this point, it is estimated that 1 to 2 million people were there. Mousavi spoke on the top of a car. The police stood by. For a few hours, everything was peaceful. Right now, the same cannot be said. Reports of injuries, shootings, and killings are flooding the internet. Twitter has been an invaluable source - those in Iran who still know how to access it are updating regularly with picture evidence. People are being brutally beaten. Tonight will be another night without rest for so many in Iran no older than I am. Tonight there is a Green Revolution.

For more information:
PICTURES:
here and here
NEW INFORMATION:
Here - near constant updates
Here - ONTD_political live post
ON TWITTER:@StopAhmadi, @ProtesterHelp

دنیارابگوییدچطورآنهاانتخاباتمان دزدیده اند
Tell the world how they have stolen our election

- original post by one_hoopy_frood.

Draw With Me

2009-06-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

Amazing flash.

Some Old Journal Entries...

2009-06-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

[ You Told Me To Go Find God ]

So I went on a journey
where footsteps took a day.
I ended up in a dingy place
because I took a wrong turn,
but you urged me on.
Guess what?
I found him on 19th Avenue.

[ Checking-In ]

Cockroaches on the floor
Missing teeth from the concierge
Peeling paint on the walls
Eerie noises from the down the outside hallway
Stained sheets on the bed
Cold water in the shower

Take it all in,
You tell yourself and breathe in deeply,
Because this is
Home.

[ The Legal Aspect of Things ]

If I can remember

the swishing of tide water
the smell of field daisies

Do you think I can forget

the dolls my wife hangs from the tree outside
with pins in my name?

[ Where The Heart Is ]

I'm just dreaming with my eyes pinned open
Because this world without you is just

"[-fantasy-]"

Background Noise

2009-06-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Dark blue, dark blue.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

School is officially over. Summer time, baby! I really need something to do. I'll hang out with some friends and get a job/volunteer or something.

There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend.

2009-06-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

Let's reinvent love, one step at a time.

Don't tell me;

2009-05-31T21:19:00.000-07:00

I can't do it alone.

Because you can't make it with me either.

Alibi

2009-05-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

Alibi - SID

I really like Mao's make up in this video.

This song is really addicting. Mao's voice is so smooth.

I don't know... I like how they focus in on Mao's eyes. It just fits so well.

(My favorite from the band is still Aki, shhh...)

Note To Self

2009-05-16T21:43:00.001-07:00

What the title says.

Books That Need To Be Completed:

-Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
-Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris
-Twisted Triangle by Caitlin Rother
-The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara

Books That Need To Be Requested

-Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
-Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire
-The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
-World Without End by Ken Follett
-Wicked by Gregory Maguire
-Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire
-The Demonata: Death's Shadow by Darren Shan
-Tithe by Holly Black

Recommendations if you want them...

-Geek Love by Katherine Dunn
-The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
-Dan Brown
-Darren Shan-Terry Brooks
-Stephen King
-Dean Koontz

I haven't read a good book outside of my favorite authors (except for Geek Love) in a while... Sorry, I just don't have time to read these things. I wish I did, though.

Fruits of Our Labor

2009-05-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

The plants that grow under the broken starlight, the ones that hope, they give, and they love. Unable to move, unable to seek the places they want to seek, they stay; they stay partially for their own will and unwillingly, at the same time.

A miracle happens.

After a while that miracle is not as shining as it used to be, and they, too, also escape the blue skies with the wretched clutch of society just trying to tear this work apart until it's something seemingly "acceptable." They don't live to prosper.

The older, brown vegetation seem to tear with the morning sunrise; its crying hidden by an obscure painting of contentment.

But the products replied with a simple,

"Happy Mother's Day."

(I'm really late with this.)

Vegas Skies

2009-05-11T16:52:00.000-07:00

In the process of trying to break the ice, you broke yourself.

Love Scream Party

2009-05-06T16:41:00.000-07:00

Love Scream Party - SuG

I am in love with their lead singer, Takeru, haha. I really adore his facial expressions and his voice... This look fits him very well. I dare you to try and resist that grin of his.

SuG is a relatively new band compared to a lot of Jrock bands, such as the GazettE, alice nine., LM.C, and et cetera. I finally satisfied my curiosity about them ever since I found out that they were signed onto the Indie PSC division (so that would be around January).

What first attracted me to them was their bright and colorful style. -laughs-

Hope you enjoy this song as much as I do; they do have more serious videos. Go search them on YouTube if you wish.

Simmering Through The Air

2009-04-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted on here. The goodness of blogging.

Life has been harsh, along with its own confusing sequence of up's and down's, but nonetheless, you live it. Don't deal, live. It's the only way of working through the hard times.

High school. Most people would say it was the best years of their life, but in fact, it is my worst so far. Who would've thought high school students would be more immature than those back in middle school? I thought I left such imbeciles behind. Guess I was wrong. Apparently, they have nothing better to do than to be the obnoxious people that they're giving me the impression of. It's not as if they try to reverse such behavior anyway.

I've had the misfortune of them being in my homeroom class, especially during very crucial state tests this week. You know, the ones that decide my classes for next year. They were particularly loud today and made it hard to concentrate on one of my more difficult subjects: Advanced Algebra. They also decided to make me their victim for the day; very unfortunate, indeed. If I wasn't so sensitive, I would've gotten angry instead of just wanting to cry my butt off.

Mmmm, can't toughen up.

Of course, I'm only fourteen. Everything seems to be the end of the world when you're at this "tender" age - or at least that's what my parents call it.

Now, I shall go off to read the Goosebumps books and relive my childhood, plus decide how I will die. Ciao!

In Response: If Today Was Your Last Day

2009-04-20T16:22:00.000-07:00

In response to this blogpost. I didn't respond on Tumblr because my Tumblr is for music.

You never know if you're doing "the right thing".

I think if you fret on it too much, somehow you distort that thought into being "the wrong thing". In all honesty, there is no "wrong" or "right" if you learn to look past being human.

Normally, this is where gut feeling would come in. Making a change in your life is about taking risks, and if you're not willing to, you will never get anywhere. Yes, there will be regrets; yes, there will be "what if"s. But you cannot truly live life trying to make sense of it. You should just do what you feel if you're catching yourself with this situation.

Even if you have second thoughts, it won't change what you've done. Eventually, you'll need to learn to let it go.

And I shall end my weak response with this:

Eyes are placed in the front because it's more important to look forward than to look back.

Behind Us

2009-04-12T10:44:00.000-07:00

We're spinning needles on broken thread.

Shadows chase until the point of haunting.

The coastal blue turns an envious green.

I wish you knew me.

Good Day

2009-04-02T14:30:00.000-07:00

I had an extremely good day today.

Well, nothing extraordinary happened, but I enjoyed all my class today - which is weird, considering they're my loathed ones.

Amazing how such plain things could make you feel on top of the world.

When You Perform In Reverse

2009-03-24T15:51:00.001-07:00

You could be happy.

Worn, torn, and onto the point, you are.

Every chance you lost, you could have been, but you weren't and that made all the difference.

Seeing you is like watching myself.

You could be happy.

Backward Scrawls

2009-03-15T12:09:00.001-07:00

Tell me what I can or cannot do.

Shoot my vision, cover it, and I'll be in your arms for the rest of eternity.

But I'll drip satellite tears.

Only so much you can do to stow me away in this life. I'll crush your signal and delete all of your data.

Let me see.

I'm ignorant otherwise.

Monochrome

2009-03-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

Eyes sewn shut.

I can't see her sadness.

Guess you didn't want me to cry.

Pinned Onto A Star

2009-02-19T21:07:00.001-08:00

When my heart rate goes up to 128 bpm, does it satisfy you?

Do you feel a certain sense of victory lingering in that delusional mind of yours?

At the instance, I could die, do you fill with joy?

I don't know what to say to you.

You bound me to the train tracks and left me to see myself to doom, bright and dim as the sky was that day. The rough caress and easy-going personality you imprinted upon me no longer there. You couldn't have warned me of the danger I was put in.

Appalling. Terrifying. Horrific.

I wanted to cry, yet I didn't.

For all the things you could have done, you did this.

You locked the back door while my wings were sewn just to make sure I wouldn't get out. Ripping them off was your greatest satisfaction.

[With frozen eyes, my words became meaningless as the world became a pretty, pristine white. My, oh my, what a disaster.]

[Tell me something different.]

[Should I have said the right things? Key word: should.]

[Anorexic birds drop dead. Burnt plants live on. A wonderful place in the back of my mind. Still stuck with perpetual motionless.]

["Don't wish you could see."]

[I never did.]

If only things could've gone different for you and me. You refuse to stare at me right in the eye, as if you were afraid of something.

There is no exceptional quality to this matter.

[Someone's bleeding tears.]

"Martyrdom."

Daylight Supper

2009-02-15T17:18:00.000-08:00

If only you knew the right things to say.

Your heart strings tug and they tug deep, but they only tug enough so that your heart will give a slight ache, but the pain is still there. It's not easy to shake off, and maybe you don't, so if you don't it's still there.

It's a painful process. Not a very rewarding one, not a very fulfilling one, yet you take it anyway. Sometimes people wonder why and you give them no answer, returning home to your one bedroom apartment and staring off into the small space you have to yourself.

You abruptly feel dreadfully alone at your two person table.

Free Hugs

2009-02-14T10:48:00.000-08:00

This video makes me want to hug someone. Very badly.

Super Junior's music always makes me smile and happy. Like "Happiness" for instance (although "Miracle" also makes me giddy).

I NEED TO PHYSICALLY HUG SOMEBODY BEFORE I EXPLODE.

-HUGS YOU ALL-

Thank you, Super Junior, for making me feel better about S.A.D. <3

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

Exposure

2009-02-10T17:31:00.001-08:00

My keeper is a person afraid of change.

(close to me, close to you)

Orders shrill in the air, the knife cutting deep into the silent so noise bleeds. It’s so quiet. So still. Like a premonition of something void due to run on its path.

Jog, walk, slow down.

(hands on top of mine)

If only this redundant lifestyle could break out of routine. Why hadn’t I been born a butterfly?

Scales being painfully plucked off, one by one. Feeling myself break is the only relief I get so I don’t have to tie myself up together again. Like a person ties shoelaces. One loop over the other.

(for all the things i could’ve said, i didn’t)

Filtered sunlight, smudged skin.

Amazing how much you can do with just one click. One movement. One stroke.

I’m under his spell again and can’t get out.

Lost myself again.

(am i [ n a k e d ] enough?)

Last Night, Good Night

2009-02-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

Song Recommendation: People Error - The GazettE

-

I hear them whirring.

Like some sort of shrill knife ripping through the air, steadily coming closer and closer at such a high speed that it feels like they’ll cut right through me. Wheels are turning against my will.

The cherry blossoms are falling again. Their small, bright pink petals litter the soiled ground and remind me of a sad metaphor my friend once told me.

“Do they not remind you of people?”

And to that I replied: “Always.”

They’ll remind me of you.

As spectators, we looked on with blind eyes.

Naive people we were, thinking that nothing could push us down from our reign on top of the world. How we wished to be as privileged as those who could see.

Then, suddenly, we were.

But somehow, I wish we weren't.

Pale In Comparison

2009-02-09T00:25:00.000-08:00

Today was...

Definitely interesting.

I did things that I wouldn't usually do, and I had fun doing them. In all, it was pleasant, and the fact that it's raining here soothes me.

I love the rain. It is a comforting presence for me in my home.

No Words Left

2009-02-07T23:20:00.000-08:00

*THIS POST MAY CONTAIN NANA SPOILERS*

Holy fucking shit.

I started reading Nana again from Chapter 53 (oh, how I missed manga), and a sudden turn of events just killed me.

Ren is gone.

He was my favorite character, even with his cowardly ways and drug addiction. He just died.

And the tears started falling down from my cheeks.

I don't even know if I want to continue reading it without him playing a physical role in the story. God, he and Nana never got to make up and the way he died...

He saved his hands.
He saved his fucking hands.
Because playing guitar meant that much to him.

He was going to quit Trapnest too.
In a way, I guess he did.

Jesus Christ. It's pathetic to be crying over a fictional character, but damn. Why him?

Nana is so dead. She's so lifeless without him. I always thought Ren and Nana were a really good couple.

But, in the end, he picked Trapnest.
Because he loved Reira more than he loved Nana.

He couldn't take it.